Sitting here, looking out my window.
The clouds beam and the lightning cracks through the sky beautifully whilst the tears run down my face in place of what should be happening outside.
Today I said goodbye to her.
I hugged her three times and said goodbye.
I told the human I have become most fond of, goodbye!
She leaves in the morning at 5.
She leaves with a part of me and a part of us.
She became my best friend, my confidant, my joy and heart in a space of a few months.
Man you should see her smile.
You should hear her laugh.
And when she loves….
Some things you can’t explain, but I will try.
A day without her text was excruciating.
Time without her jokes were senseless.
A week without her presence was added stress to an already hectic workweek.
A holiday without her didn’t feel right… didn’t feel right so much that she would have to show up mid vacation to save the day.
A night out without her was so boring that she would have to rush from work simply to bring life to the party. My party.
We lived large and partied like rock stars.
We also ate crisps, drank cheap wine and looked out the window whilst exchanging stories of our week.
And when we were broke.. we’d buy data just to text each other then fall asleep.
My heartbreak was her heartbreak.
She advocated and fought passionately in my favor regardless of whether I was right or wrong.
When she showed her pain to me, I swore to mend her broken parts and give her sunnier days.
My tears were shared with her, and her mine.
And tonight as we jumped into separate Uber’s, making off to our separate homes, I sit looking out the window reflecting on what an amazing few months of having her friendship has been.
And imagining how being without it, or having it merely through a telephone line will be.
Thinking about when Lana Del Ray said in her song – “all the ways I got to know your pretty face and electric soul.”
And how this relates precisely to how I feel.
How her very being has resonated with me.
I despise this goodbye
Because you leave my city, and even though I may see you again, I despise this goodbye because it’s forced me to realize the magnitude of the impact you have had on my life.
If you ever see me pose in pictures with other people in future, kindly do not think I have replaced you- No. I cannot replace you.
I can simply learn to cry a little less each day without you.
Nothing will ever be the same.